


In Bloom

by jaeminsrenjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Crushes, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 07:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15658452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeminsrenjun/pseuds/jaeminsrenjun
Summary: In between library study sessions and basketball trainings, as dusk eases into night and night into day, Jaemin falls in love with Renjun.





	In Bloom

 

Sometimes, Jaemin absolutely hates himself.

Was ten minutes of extra sleep really worth it in exchange for him running at top speed now, trying to make it in time for school before Mr Kim marks him as late yet again?

No, definitely not. (Yet he knows he’ll end up doing this again anyway.)

Jaemin barely makes the bell and rushes over to his seat beside Jeno, plopping himself down on the chair seconds before Mr Kim walks in, with an unfamiliar face in tow. Jaemin raises an eyebrow – it’s rare that they have students transferring in this time of the year. The new boy isn’t very tall but has nice proportions, the school uniform fitting loosely on his small frame. He has an oval face and a gentle jawline, with full lips, though his messy hair makes him look like he just got out of bed. Jaemin wouldn’t exactly call him eye-catching, but there’s something about him that makes Jaemin unable to look away.

“Good morning class,” Mr Kim’s voice booms throughout the room, and a scattered chorus of voices greets him back. It takes Jaemin some effort to shift his gaze to his teacher.

“Alright, from today onwards, there will be a new student joining you. He’s come a long way – he transferred here from China.” The students perk up at the last piece of information; it’s not everyday you have a student coming from another country.

“I’m Huang Renjun, nice to meet you all,” the boy says politely and bows. Smattered applause sounds as Renjun walks to the back of the class and takes an empty seat in the corner.

“I hope you all make him feel welcome,” Mr Kim says, before turning to write something on the whiteboard. Jaemin half-turns to look at Renjun and their eyes meet for just a few seconds, but to Jaemin it feels almost like an eternity before they both avert their gazes. Jaemin turns back to face the front, a strange sensation flooding his body.

Then Jeno leans over to tell him a joke, and Jaemin bursts out laughing, letting what just transpired slip to the back of his mind.

  


 

 

Renjun doesn't catch Jaemin's attention much, initially. But like how it’s impossible to hide a diamond’s natural brilliance, soon enough, Renjun’s intelligence leaves the rest of the class in awe.

“Can anyone draw the shape of this polynomial for me?”

“Someone tell me how many isomers ethyl ethanoate has.”

“Will someone please calculate the gravitational force of object A on object B?”

No matter the question, Renjun always has an answer. Either he’s already studied the entire year’s worth of work, Jaemin thinks, or he never sleeps. How else would it be possible for him to know basically everything? Almost as impressive as his intelligence is how he doesn’t come across as being a show-off or know-it-all, having seemingly little interest in his teachers’ praises or his classmates’ looks of approval.

“I bet Renjun eats books for lunch and dinner,” Jeno remarks over lunch one day. “He’s so smart, it’s intimidating.” They’re seated in the canteen after having collected their food from the buffet table, identical metal trays placed before them.

“I swear he could probably predict my life ten years down the road,” Donghyuck says, before eating a spoonful of miso soup. Jaemin hates the stuff — it’s way too salty for his liking — but Donghyuck loves it so Jaemin passes him his bowl as well, making a face as Donghyuck smacks his lips.

“Tell me about it,” Jaemin mutters, shaking his head. “He's insane.”

“Well anyone can guess what you'd be ten years into the future,” Jeno chimes in. “Either a football player or a singer.”

Those are both valid guesses — Donghyuck’s two greatest passions in life are football and singing and most of the time he’s either engaging in one or the other, if not both at the same time. Yes, he sings while playing football (or attempts to, anyway), much to his teammates’ chagrin.

“You have too much faith in him. I say he’ll either be in jail for starting a fight or end up homeless out on the streets,” Jaemin snickers around a mouthful of ramyeon.

Donghyuck whacks him on the back and almost causes him to choke on his noodles. While Jaemin coughs, Jeno just laughs and laughs, eyes curving into slits while throwing his head back.

“And this is why Jeno is my best friend,” Donghyuck says as Jaemin recovers from his coughing fit to shoot daggers at him. “Because he has faith in me.”

“This is why Jeno is my best friend too,” Jaemin counters, rubbing his back. Donghyuck always, _always_ goes too hard. “Because he doesn’t try to kill me at every given opportunity.”

Jeno stops laughing as Donghyuck mutters a “well, he’s missing out” and eyes the two of them warily. “Do I get a say in any of this?”

“No!” Both of them shout back in unison.

  


 

 

There’s another thing that strikes Jaemin about Renjun – he doesn’t really have friends.

It’s not that Jaemin goes out of his way to notice him; it’s just pretty obvious how he’s always alone in class, either doodling on a yellow notebook or chewing on his fingernails listlessly. When the school bell rings he always leaves, quick as a flash — Jaemin often doesn’t even realise he’s gone until he turns around and sees his seat empty.

It’s not that people avoid him either — Jaemin has seen their classmates go up and talk to him. Most of the time they ask him questions on schoolwork, but occasionally someone would attempt to make small talk. Renjun would always give them a polite but strained smile and entertain them for a while before ending the conversation. His behaviour piques Jaemin’s curiosity — here’s a boy who’s new to the school, having transferred in from a different country, yet he doesn’t seem at all keen on making friends. Sometimes, Jaemin is tempted to go up to Renjun and introduce himself. He’s sure that there’s much more to Renjun underneath his unassuming exterior, and he wants to peel him apart, layer by layer, until he discovers what lies within.

Jaemin thinks there is no explanation for it, except maybe that Huang Renjun is a magnet and Jaemin is irrevocably, unexplainably pulled towards him.

However, it’s an undeniable fact that Jaemin and Renjun are worlds apart. Jaemin is pretty popular – he’s good-looking, charming and sporty. Everyone likes him, because there really is no reason not to. Donghyuck and Jeno, his best friends, are similar to him too – they’re both outgoing, play sports, and are well-liked by their peers. Renjun, on the other hand, is quite a loner, who doesn’t really talk much unless necessary. Every time Jaemin thinks about approaching Renjun, be it in between classes or right after school, the fear of being judged weighs him down and the greeting he’s prepared dies in his throat, unspoken.

  


 

 

Jaemin always sees Renjun in the library when he passes it by on the way to basketball practice. He’s perpetually at the same table, in the same seat, either staring pensively outside the glass walls or bending over his homework, hand flying across the paper as he scribbles his answers down. This goes on for a month or so – though Jaemin doesn’t talk to or acknowledge Renjun at all in class, he subconsciously searches for Renjun in his usual seat in the library whenever he walks past. Sometimes he catches himself doing it and pauses, worry after worry hijacking his brain and making him feel exceptionally guilty.

 _Does it count as stalking if I check on him everyday?_ _It shouldn’t… right? Since I’m not actually bothering him._

It’s surprising to Jaemin that he can learn so much about Renjun just by observing him at a distance. For instance, he comes to realise that Renjun is a creature of habit – while Jaemin hangs back and talks to Donghyuck and Jeno for a while, Renjun always heads to the library immediately after classes end, and is gone by the time Jaemin is done with basketball practice and is walking back home. When he’s thinking really hard, he likes to bite his nails. And sometimes, he’ll push his work aside and reach for his yellow notebook, knitting his brows together as he does a quick doodle. Jaemin yearns to know what drawings are contained inside those pages – maybe if he got a glimpse of them, he’d get one step closer to solving the puzzle that is Huang Renjun.

Something makes Jaemin stop one day as he spots Renjun in his usual seat. He thinks for a long while, then decides, _heck it,_ and enters the library, stack of books and pencil case in hand, approaching Renjun with a determined look on his face. He’s halfway there when he suddenly stops mid-stride and turns around.

_Wouldn’t it be weird for me to come into the library just to join him? Maybe I should pretend to be studying somewhere else instead, just to make it seem like a coincidence._

Jaemin decides that he’s going to do just that. He searches for an empty table a respectable distance away from Renjun, saunters over and dumps his things on the table. After thinking for a minute or two, he reaches for his chemistry textbook, opening it to a random page. When he decides that the scene looks believable enough, he walks over to Renjun, trying to be as casual as possible, and pretends to have just bumped into him.

“Oh, hey!” Jaemin calls out, then winces. It sounded too cheery, too fake – he hopes that Renjun doesn’t think that way. The other boy startles and looks up at Jaemin upon hearing him, and blinks a few times in apparent disbelief.

Encouraged, Jaemin continues, “I was just studying over there –” he points to where he’d dumped his things prior, “– but do you mind if I join you?”

Jaemin bites his bottom lip nervously with no idea what to expect. Renjun’s eyes widen and he stares straight at Jaemin. His eyes are feline-like – long-ish, slightly narrow, with soft edges. Jaemin feels it again – the sensation of being sucked into whirlpools, spinning and drowning in them. He can’t look away.

It feels like eternity before Renjun nods and his movement breaks the spell. Jaemin blinks rapidly – his eyes suddenly feel dry. Maybe it’s the air conditioning.

“Cool, I’ll just go and grab my stuff. Be back in a minute!” Jaemin quickly says, before hurrying off to his original table and stuffing his books and pencil case haphazardly into his bag. He slings one strap over his shoulder and runs back to where Renjun’s seated, breathless by the time he sits down. Renjun glances up at him and smiles, but before Jaemin can offer a smile in return he’s already looking down, concentrating solely on his work. Jaemin takes out his work too – he decides to do the chemistry assignment from earlier today – and soon they fall into a peaceful silence, save for the scratching of pen against paper and occasional flip of a page.

Jaemin actually manages to be productive and finish his assignment, and even manages to get a head start on his Korean project. He actually enjoys the study session way more than he expects to – the companionable silence is something new to him. Usually he studies in a café near school with Donghyuck and Jeno when they don’t have practice, but they invariably get distracted half the time, with Donghyuck’s penchant for talking and Jeno’s perpetual hunger, which means Jaemin has to work doubly hard when he gets home. With Renjun not talking to him, he can actually focus and he’s pleasantly surprised at how productive he can be.

A few hours later, out of the corner of his eye, Jaemin spots Renjun starting to pack his things, and lifts his head.

“Are you leaving now?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Renjun answers, while putting his books into his bag. Jaemin wonders what the appropriate thing to do is – offer to join him? Walk him home? They’d barely even had a conversation today, wouldn’t it be weird? In the end, Jaemin just quietly watches Renjun pack and when he’s done, calls his name.

Renjun looks at him expectantly, an unspoken question in his gaze.

“I’ll… see you tomorrow?” Jaemin asks tentatively, discreetly shaking his legs under the table to ease some of his nerves as he awaits Renjun’s answer.

Renjun widens his eyes ( _again –_ Jaemin notes it down as another of Renjun’s little habits), looking slightly taken aback. Jaemin can see him weighing his options and as the seconds tick by, he becomes more and more nervous about Renjun’s answer.

_He’s gonna say no, he’s gonna say no, please don’t say no –_

“Sure I guess, I mean I’ll be here anyway. I come here everyday, so,” Renjun says nonchalantly, shrugging and throwing his backpack over his shoulders in one fluid motion.

Feeling like a huge weight is lifted off his shoulders, Jaemin breaks into a wide smile. “Really? Awesome. Um, bye then!”

“Bye,” Renjun waves before turning and heading out of the library. Jaemin doesn’t miss the way the corners of Renjun’s lips lift upwards in the tiniest hint of a smile.

 

 

 

 

Something changes between them after that.

When Jaemin comes into class the next day, instead of ignoring him like always, Renjun looks up and _smiles_ at him. An actual smile, with cheekbones lifted and dimple showing – completely different from the fake ones Jaemin used to see plastered on his face – and Jaemin likes it. In fact, he likes it a lot. It softens Renjun’s face and makes him look more approachable, less like an intimidating genius and more like a friend. Jaemin smiles back – making sure that it reaches his eyes so Renjun knows he means it. Renjun gives him a small nod, then goes on with his work. No one else catches their little interaction, so Jaemin decides to keep it a secret for now.

They still don’t talk in class, but to Jaemin, it’s a start. He cradles the fragile bud of their tentative friendship and shelters it in the deepest corner of his heart.

  


 

 

That day, Jaemin asks for Renjun’s number (“So that I can text you when I want to study in the library!”) and Renjun gives it to him, albeit after a bit of persuasion on Jaemin’s part. His heart skips a little as he watches Renjun dial in his number on his phone, and he saves Renjun’s contact name with a little star behind it.

It’s a few days later when Jaemin finds himself once more free of all obligations in the afternoon (he doesn’t have basketball practice), so he texts Renjun after lunch, asking if he can join him to study.

A while later, Jaemin’s phone dings and he eagerly checks the reply.

From: Renjun

_Okay_

Somehow, a part of Jaemin’s heart sinks. He shakes his head, trying to dispel the panic rising in his chest.

_Does Renjun hate me? Is he annoyed? Or maybe that’s just how he texts?_

He stares at his phone screen in dismay, rereading the text he sent to Renjun a few times.

To: Renjun ★

 _Hey, can I study with you today?_ _:)_

It seems normal enough to him – surely Renjun wouldn’t be irritated just because of a simple text, right? His brain thinks of a million different scenarios – each more absurd than the previous – before he catches himself and shakes his head again, trying to stop his wandering mind.

“It’ll be fine, Jaemin, it’ll be fine,” he tells himself. No big deal, he can just casually ask Renjun later and see what he says. And if indeed it turns out that Renjun doesn’t like him, well, he’ll just deal with that later. A small part of him questions why he’s so invested in what Renjun thinks of him, but he pushes the thought out of his head as he sets off for the library.

“Hey,” Jaemin greets Renjun as he plops his bag down on the floor. What he isn’t prepared for is the smile Renjun breaks into – one that’s so bright, and so genuine, that it momentarily takes Jaemin’s breath away. All the worries stemming from Renjun’s curt reply over text disappear in an instant as Jaemin takes his seat opposite Renjun.

“Hi, Jaemin,” Renjun mumbles. “Nice to see you again.”

“Hello, Renjun,” Jaemin replies, grinning and taking out his homework for the day. Renjun is in a good mood – he’s definitely not annoyed – and relief washes over Jaemin. Seems like their study session is off to a good start.

However, Jaemin has to question that thought when it’s barely two hours in and he already wants to die. He’s been stuck on a maths problem for the past 20 minutes and the more he stares at it, the less sense it makes – until he lets out a loud groan and, with an audible thump, falls face forward onto the table.

“I’m screwed,” he mutters.

He doesn’t see Renjun eyeing him (or rather, the back of his head) with a mildly amused expression, which he quickly schools into concern once Jaemin lifts his head up.

“Are you okay?” Renjun asks, eyebrows knitted and frowning slightly.

Jaemin shakes his head. “No,” he whines, “I can’t solve this math problem from today’s class and I feel really dumb.”

“Let me take a look.” Renjun holds his hand out and Jaemin passes the problem set to him. Renjun scans through the problem and Jaemin affords himself the luxury of observing Renjun’s little facial expressions – seeing how his lips press together as his line of sight flies down the page, before his entire face lights up.

“Ah, I know how to solve this,” Renjun says with a smile. His eyes dart over to Jaemin before looking back at the empty seat beside him. “Do you want to sit beside me instead? So I can explain the problem to you.”

Jaemin nods and grabs his stuff with him as he shifts to the empty seat next to Renjun. The latter then goes into a detailed and illuminating explanation on differential equations. It seems unbelievable, even to him, but Jaemin swears that when Renjun’s finished the world seems a little bit different, a little brighter somehow. The way Renjun explains the problem, breaking it down step by step and answering Jaemin’s queries with ease, makes Jaemin even more in awe of him. Jaemin is by no means doing badly with his studies – in fact, he’s above average in class – but Renjun is on a completely different level, such that he feels stupid in comparison.

“How are you so smart?” Jaemin asks, half-sighing, as he resumes his quest to solve the maths problem. Renjun doesn’t respond; he simply chuckles, low and sweet.

They fall into a comfortable silence; the white noise of the library helps Jaemin concentrate on the work at hand. He manages to solve the problem in the end and does a mental fist pump before moving on to the next question on his problem set.

“You know, you’re pretty smart too,” Renjun remarks out of nowhere and Jaemin blinks a couple of times, not believing what he’s just heard.

“Me?” he asks incredulously, pointing to himself. “Are you sure?”

Part of him thinks Renjun was just trying to be nice, and part of him thinks Renjun’s probably mixed him up with someone else. He knows he does okay in his studies, but he’s far from Renjun’s level, so why would Renjun even compliment him like that?

He’s even more shocked when Renjun nods and tells him, “I am.”

Jaemin takes a few seconds to process what Renjun says. He presses on, “But… how would you know?”

Renjun shrugs and Jaemin swears Renjun’s cheeks appear a shade pinker than before. His bangs fall across his eyes as he lowers his head and Jaemin has to resist the urge to sweep them away. If not for the fact that Jaemin is already straining his ears, he wouldn’t have caught what Renjun says next.

“I… notice things.”

“Like what?” Jaemin probes. Though he can tell Renjun wants to end the topic of conversation, Jaemin wants desperately to get to the bottom of what he meant. And Renjun’s complete unwillingness to dignify him with a reply that’s more than five words long only serves to intensify his curiosity.

He waits, noticing how Renjun bites his lip uncertainly, almost as if he doesn’t know whether he should say what he says next.

“Like… how quickly you finish the in-class exercises.”

Jaemin’s jaw drops. “You notice _that_?” He feels a sense of pride welling up in his chest, and can’t stop the grin that spreads across his face.

“Well, yeah – you know, since I usually finish mine first and have nothing to do while waiting, I look around and watch people…” Renjun trails off, now averting his eyes and fiddling with his pen. Seeing the other boy’s cheeks turn a light shade of red, Jaemin has to suppress a laugh, while a curious feeling starts to spread within him.

Jaemin decides he’s happy enough with Renjun’s answer and as a small gesture of goodwill, takes a small bar of chocolate from his bag and slides it across the table.

“Here.”

Renjun takes the chocolate bar, face softening into an expression of mild relief and gratitude.

“Thanks,” he says, before unwrapping the bar and biting into it. Jaemin’s smile grows wider.

“You’re welcome,” Jaemin whispers, before returning to his work.

  


 

 

It becomes somewhat of a routine after that. Jaemin joins Renjun in the library whenever he doesn’t have practice, and they study together until the setting sun casts a web of shadows upon their table. Jaemin will inevitably start yawning, brain completely drained, and Renjun will just laugh, muttering something like, “You’re so weak.” To which Jaemin will roll his eyes, and they will both start packing up, haphazardly stuffing their things inside their backpacks before heading out of the library together.

Donghyuck is more perceptive than Jaemin gives him credit for, and his head snaps over when Jaemin announces that he’s leaving first yet again. He and Jeno haven’t really questioned Jaemin on his whereabouts on non-practice days, and in retrospect, Jaemin realises he’s too naïve to have believed that they never would.

“Jaemin, where have you been going after school?” Donghyuck brings up, before Jaemin can rush off to the library. He’s already almost halfway out the door, and upon hearing Donghyuck, turns back sheepishly and waits for his friends to catch up.

“Yeah, we don’t ever hang out together anymore. How about video games at my place today?” Jeno suggests, swinging an arm around Jaemin, who winces.

“Guys, I can’t. I have to go somewhere else, sorry,” Jaemin says apologetically (or as apologetically as he can pretend to be, anyway).

“See! You’re always disappearing off to somewhere after school, and you never tell us!” Donghyuck exclaims, waving his arms around indignantly. “What, got a boyfriend or girlfriend that you don’t want us to know of?”

“No, of course not!” Jaemin bristles, and his answer comes out a little too forcefully. It does nothing to help ease his friends’ suspicions – rather, it has quite the opposite effect.

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow questioningly; Jaemin braces himself for the inevitable question that follows.

“So then, where do you always run off to after school?”

Panicking, Jaemin has an inner debate with himself. It’s not like he and Renjun have anything to keep a secret – they’re just friends and it’s perfectly normal for friends to hang out – but for some reason, Jaemin is reluctant to tell even his two closest friends about him and Renjun.

But why? Jaemin himself doesn’t know what he’s so scared of. Seeing that Jeno and Donghyuck are both looking at him expectantly, Jaemin sighs and relents, “Okay, fine, I've been studying in the library.”

It’s news to them, judging by the way they react – Donghyuck’s jaws dropping and Jeno’s eyes widening comically – and Jaemin lets out a little chuckle.

“There’s more to it, surely. You wouldn’t just study in the library of all places of your own accord,” says Jeno.

Jaemin shrugs and tries to sound flippant. “Yeah, I’ve been studying with Renjun.”

“Renjun?” They parrot loudly. Now _this_ really catches their attention.

Jaemin stares at the patch of white wall in between Donghyuck and Jeno, in a determined attempt not to make eye contact with either of them. “Yeah, he’s really smart and has been helping me with work.”

“But you don’t even talk to him! Hell, I’ve barely seen you two even look at each other. I thought he didn’t even know you existed.” Stunned, Donghyuck has his hands over his head, still trying to wrap his head around what he’s heard. Jeno can’t quite comprehend it either, jaw hanging open in shock.

“He goes to the library everyday after school and I bumped into him there once. I asked to join him and we started studying together. And it’s… nice,” Jaemin explains, conveniently leaving out the whole part about him watching Renjun everyday after school for a month.

Jeno hums, “Well he does seem like a pretty nice guy. Just can’t picture you and him getting along.”

Jaemin’s curiosity is piqued. “Why not?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, as if the answer is so blatant that Jaemin needn’t have asked. “You know we’re in different circles.”

Feeling affronted (even though this was the same concern that stopped him from approaching Renjun earlier), Jaemin takes a step forward to grab Donghyuck’s forearm. “He’s really smart _and_ he’s funny. You’d like him if you talk to him,” Jaemin argues.

Always the reasonable one, Jeno suggests, “Why don’t you ask him to join us for lunch, then? Let’s talk to him and get to know him better.”

Jaemin considers it, and doesn’t think it’s at all a bad idea. “Sure.”

  


 

 

The next time Jaemin sees Renjun smile at him when he enters the classroom, he doesn’t just smile back. He walks over to Renjun, and with a voice loud enough to be heard by everyone in class, asks him to join them for lunch.

The few seconds of silence feel like an eternity. Jaemin is about to say something when Renjun squeaks, “Me?” Like a fish out of water, he looks completely out of his depth, and Jaemin finds his bewilderment endearing.

“Yeah, I want to introduce you to Donghyuck and Jeno. They’re my best friends and I feel like you’d get along. Also, I feel like we should hang out more, and not just in the library,” Jaemin explains.

“Okay... Sure, I guess,” Renjun trails off, still hardly believing what he just heard. It’s not everyday that you get invited to have lunch with the most popular clique in class. Truth be told, he was wary of Jaemin’s intentions to approach him at first – it just didn’t seem realistic that the most popular guy in class would want to befriend him – but from the times they’ve studied together, Renjun thinks Jaemin is a genuinely nice person, and wants to get closer to him too.

“Nice, see you later then.” Jaemin flashes a dazzling smile, pats Renjun’s shoulder, then goes back to his seat, just as Mr Kim walks in.

 

Later on at lunchtime, Jaemin walks out of the classroom with Donghyuck and Jeno beside him, and Renjun in tow. They only take a few steps before Jaemin stops and turns around.

“Why hide at the back? Come walk beside us, Injun-ah.” Jaemin beckons Renjun towards him and waits for Renjun to shuffle forward, then loops an arm around him.

“Let’s go,” Jaemin says, and they walk forward, the four of them filling up the width of the entire corridor.

 

Jaemin’s glad he asked Renjun to join them for lunch. It went better than expected, with Donghyuck and Jeno being genuinely curious about Renjun’s life and Renjun slowly opening up and currently chatting with ease to his friends.

Jaemin regrets it, though, when the topic of conversation turns to him. From there, it somehow rapidly degenerates into a Jaemin roasting session.

“Renjun, you probably don’t know this, but Jaemin has a really bad habit.” The warning bells in Jaemin’s head are going off on full alert, because Donghyuck is a traitor and would sell Jaemin’s darkest secrets for some fried chicken. Hell, he’d probably give out Jaemin’s darkest secrets for _free_.

Renjun perks up at that, and a smile grows on his face. “Tell me.”

Jaemin’s expression darkens considerably as he warns, “Lee Donghyuck, don’t you _dare._ ”

Ignoring Jaemin’s death glares and throat-slitting gestures, Donghyuck goes on, “He showers really fast – like within five minutes. Sometimes if he’s especially tired after practice, he doesn’t even shower.”

“Lee Donghyuck, you bastard!” Jaemin yells and reaches over in full stretch to tackle Donghyuck who’s sitting directly opposite him, but the latter reacts quickly enough to dodge him by leaning back, and even manages to stick his tongue out at his frustrated opponent.

Jaemin curses under his breath and turns to find Renjun laughing uncontrollably, one hand covering his mouth and the other clutching his stomach as he practically doubles over, body convulsing along with each sound he makes. Jeno too, is laughing so hard that his eyes disappear into slits, while Donghyuck just sits there with his wide eyes, looking as innocent as can be.

It takes a while for their laughter to subside, but before Jaemin can end the topic of conversation, Jeno asks Renjun, “So, do you have anything to spill about Jaemin, since you’ve been studying with him for a while?”

Renjun sneaks a glance at Jaemin and chuckles – Jaemin thinks he can make out the tiniest hint of a smirk.

“Would you like to know?” he asks, looking at Donghyuck and then Jeno, who both nod enthusiastically.

“No! Renjun, stop, I know my friends are traitors but not you too, not when we started off on such good terms…” Jaemin is pleading now, clasping both hands together and looking at Renjun with what he hopes is an extremely pitiful expression – mouth in a pout, brows furrowed and nose scrunched.

Renjun laughs even more and Jaemin feels himself sink further and further into despair – _this is it, it’s all over from here, it’s possible I even have to move out of the country to evade my dark past, I’ll have to find somewhere to start anew –_

“All I have to say is…” Renjun pauses for dramatic effect, and the other three of them all lean in closer, eager to hear what he has to say next. The canteen is noisy with the sounds of chattering and footsteps, but it’s as if everything just fades away at this moment – between the four of them, you can almost hear a pin drop. Jaemin holds his breath.

“He’s quite smart.”

There’s a collective gasp – Jaemin’s is one of relief, while Donghyuck and Jeno’s are those of disappointment. Renjun chuckles again and Jaemin is suddenly flooded with an enormous amount of gratitude. His heart swells; his breathing returns to normal.

“What a letdown,” Donghyuck mutters, attention now back on his grilled saba fish, stabbing at it with a vengeance.

Renjun shrugs good-naturedly. “Honestly, I haven’t seen enough to spill anything yet. He’s been nothing but nice so far.”

Jeno cocks an eyebrow. “Wait till you hang out with him more. Then, you’ll be proven wrong,” he says in all seriousness.

Jaemin decides that he’s not taking any more attacks sitting down. He’s a _fighter_ , damn it, not a wimp. “That’s enough of me now, why don’t we talk about how Donghyuck embarrassed himself the other day because his shorts split in the middle of football practice?”

Amidst the resulting commotion – a mix of laughter, shouts and screams – Renjun thinks that even though he’s living in a foreign country, attending a school that is still mostly unfamiliar to him, he might have just found his place.

  


 

 

Today, neither of Jaemin, Jeno or Donghyuck have team trainings, and they’ve agreed to head over to their usual café after school to study. It’s been a while since the three of them have done that. (“Since nowadays, Jaemin is suddenly nowhere to be found after school,” Donghyuck likes to remind him, with a knowing glance, which Jaemin dismisses as easily as he dismisses Donghyuck’s other words.) As the familiar chime of the school bell signals the end of class and Jaemin is about to leave the classroom, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Wondering who the message might be from, he takes out his phone and the name that shows up on his screen is so unexpected that Jaemin has to do a double take. He quickly unlocks his phone to read it.

From: Renjun

_Hey I’m here at the library, by the window at the usual spot. Are you coming?_

Jaemin has to rub his eyes to make sure that he’s not seeing things. Reading and re-reading the message over and over, Jaemin’s grin widens exponentially and his heart does a little leap inside his chest, as he realises that it’s the first time Renjun has texted him first. Well, since Renjun has asked, how can he reject him?

He quickly types a response and presses ‘Send’, hoping that Renjun will see it before he puts away his phone to study.

To: Renjun ★

_Yes, of course! I’ll see you there :)_

“Where are you going?” Donghyuck stops Jaemin as the latter heads for the classroom door without waiting for him or Jeno. “You said we could study at the café today.”

Jaemin pulls a face and tries to look apologetic even though he’s anything but. “I’m sorry, but today I really can’t. Last minute change of plans. But, I promise I’ll hang out with you guys tomorrow.”

Donghyuck looks over at him and grimaces, already knowing the reason for Jaemin rushing off. “Is it Renjun again?”

When he’s met with a nod, Donghyuck wrinkles his nose in distaste. “Gosh, I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with him.”

“I’m not! Stop being so weird. Look, I just think I need to study more, that’s all. Renjun is a much better study buddy than either of you,” Jaemin denounces his friends, satisfied at how scandalised Donghyuck looks.

“Who kidnapped Jaemin and sent this imposter here in his place?” Jeno questions, narrowing his eyes. “You’ve never been this concerned about studying. Also, you’re doing pretty well – it’s not like you’re failing or anything.”

Jeno doesn’t need to know that it’s not about studying anymore. He doesn’t need to know that it’s about spending time with Renjun, just the two of them. He doesn’t need to know that somewhere along the line, Jaemin realised he might have a crush on Renjun, and that it is simultaneously the most wonderful yet painful thing in the world.

Instead, Jaemin says, “Shouldn’t you guys be happy that I value my education? Unlike some of you.” He narrows his eyes at Donghyuck while saying this, knowing full well that he’d take offence.

And he does, smacking Jaemin upside the head with his book.

“Shit!” Jaemin’s thrown forward by the impact and it takes him a few seconds to regain his balance. After which, he glares at Donghyuck with as much hatred as he can muster.

“I study, okay! Just because I fail my tests doesn’t mean I don’t value my education, _nerd_ ,” Donghyuck practically spits out the last word, complete with an eye roll.

Jeno simply laughs at their immaturity, earning glares from both of them. As they near the main corridor, Jaemin walks off in the direction of the library while waving a hasty goodbye to his two friends.

“You better hang out with us tomorrow, you nerd!” Donghyuck shouts at Jaemin as he leaves, but he ignores him without so much as a look back.

Serves Donghyuck right for trying to kill him with a book.

 

Jaemin pushes the library door open with such force that the sound echoes in the otherwise quiet library, but Jaemin can’t care less about the dirty look the librarian shoots him. The corners of his lips lift up as he spots Renjun and he walks over to him. Renjun looks up as Jaemin approaches, as if he’s been expecting him, and gives him a small smile and a wave.

“Hey! I’ve been expecting you,” Renjun says as Jaemin sits down opposite him, smiling. Hearing him say that makes Jaemin’s heart soar.

“You texted me first today, I’m surprised,” Jaemin brings up, acting all nonchalant even though deep down he’s eager to witness Renjun’s reaction.

Renjun raises an eyebrow in amusement. “Yeah, well, I just thought of it,” he replies. “Don’t go around thinking you’re special.”

Jaemin chuckles at that, and Renjun’s smile grows a fraction wider. Renjun is actually pretty funny, how come no one realises it? Jaemin tells him so, and the other boy purses his lips.

“I don’t just joke around with anyone. Most of the time I’m afraid of saying something wrong or hurting their feelings. But you, on the other hand…”

Jaemin perks up. “Yes?”

“I doubt you have any feelings, so,” Renjun shrugs, “I don’t think you’ll be offended.”

“Ya! Are you complimenting me or insulting me?” Affronted, Jaemin reaches over to playfully whack Renjun’s arm, and the latter laughs, grabbing a book to protect himself. They don’t realise they’re making a ruckus until the librarian walks over to shush them and they quieten down immediately, looking down and pretending to be absorbed in their notes. When they’re certain that she’s gone, Jaemin sneaks a glance at Renjun, and snickers when he sees how red the latter’s face has become.

“Stop it, you’re embarrassing me,” Renjun whispers and aims a hard kick to his shin. Jaemin yelps but covers his mouth in time.

“You’re the one who insulted me,” Jaemin replies in a low voice and pulls the most ridiculous, meme-worthy face he can come up with.

“I hate you.” Renjun buries his face in his hands, but the way his body shakes as he tries to repress his laughter betrays him.

“Shut up, you love me,” Jaemin ventures, and counts it as a victory when the only response he gets is Renjun’s ever-reddening face.

Under the golden hues of dusk, before the sun’s rays ease into the night’s embrace, Jaemin decides that he’s in love with Renjun.

  


 

 

The discovery that Renjun is also interested in basketball is completely accidental, being that Jaemin catches Renjun watching a Lebron James compilation in the library when the latter thought he was alone. Jaemin runs up behind him and shrieks excitedly into his ear, promptly causing two things to happen at once: Renjun yelling at Jaemin for almost causing him to go deaf, and the librarian yelling at the both of them to keep quiet. It ends in Jaemin and Renjun being kicked out of the library.

Embarrassed, Renjun refuses to look at Jaemin as they walk across the school campus, towards the main gate. Yet Jaemin doesn’t care, as all that’s on his mind at this point is the fact that _Renjun likes basketball too and didn’t tell him._

“Look at how much time we’ve wasted! You knew I like basketball and yet you never told me you did too,” Jaemin keeps saying, affronted, as they walk out of the school gates. Renjun simply shakes his head and laughs off Jaemin’s complaints, not even feeling an ounce of guilt.

“How long were you planning to keep it a secret from me?” Jaemin asks, face contorted in an expression of mock hurt. Renjun rolls his eyes, now used to the weird faces that Jaemin loves to pull. How unbelievable is it that once upon a time, he actually thought that Jaemin was cool and unapproachable. Turns out, Jaemin is actually kind of weird and also clingy as heck. Like how he now has an arm slung around Renjun’s shoulders, and is putting almost half his body weight on him.

“As long as I deemed it necessary,” Renjun sighs, trying not to stagger under the extra weight.

“I’m upset now,” Jaemin sulks; Renjun tries not to focus on the way his lips pout as he speaks. “Am I not your friend? How could you keep this from me for so long?”

“Because I know you’d take this as some kind of sign that I should join the basketball team, which for your information, I am _not_ , no matter what you say.”

Renjun sees Jaemin narrow his eyes, and knows that he’s gotten himself in deep trouble.

“I’ll make you realise that you spoke too soon,” Jaemin smirks, and Renjun prays that he won’t make any decision he’ll end up regretting.

  


 

 

Basketball quickly becomes a common topic of conversation between them, and they spend their walks back home discussing the previous night’s game, or the merits and detriments of various NBA players. Undeterred from the previous rejection, Jaemin makes it his personal mission to convince Renjun to join the basketball team. He started off by dropping subtle hints, and when they didn’t work, turned to outright begging and pleading.

“Come on, join me in basketball! It’ll be fun!” Jaemin says yet _again_ , for the umpteenth time that week. Renjun sighs internally as he prepares himself for the upcoming conversation.

He replies with a firm “no” and a vigorous shake of the head. Met with Renjun’s flat refusal, Jaemin’s face falls. Pouting a little, he tugs a few times at Renjun’s sleeve.

“Why not? You’ll like it, it’s loads of fun,” Jaemin continues to bug him, while Renjun covers his ears and tries to ignore Jaemin’s pleas. He increases the lengths of his strides, hoping to shake the other boy off.

“This is why I never told you I like basketball. I knew you’d try to pull something like this!” Renjun complains as he walks ahead. If Jaemin is anything he’s persistent – he was then when he joined Renjun in the library and gradually made Renjun open up to him despite the initial awkwardness, and he is now when he’s trying to make Renjun reconsider even though he’s made up his mind.

“Come on,” Jaemin insists, catching up to Renjun with a few large strides, “What are you so afraid of? I’ll be there and I can teach you. Amateurs join in all the time, you won’t be the only one.”

Annoyed and wanting to put an end to the conversation once and for all, Renjun stops walking and turns to face Jaemin. “Okay, give me five good reasons why I should join.” He then looks at him expectantly, waiting to hear Jaemin’s answer.

“Um, firstly, you _like_ the sport. Secondly, you can make new friends! Thirdly, it’s good exercise. Fourthly, you can get out of your comfort zone. And lastly… you get to spend more time with me?” Jaemin looks straight into Renjun’s eyes as he says the last reason and _oh no_ , Renjun feels his heart rate speed up.

_What does he even mean by that?_

Jaemin continues to just _look_ at him and Renjun can feel his resolve wavering. The way Jaemin is gazing at him right now, as if he’s his world – or better yet, his universe – makes Renjun completely unable to look away. He feels it in his bones now – an overwhelming, tingling sensation that makes him weak to his knees.

_Oh shit._

“Please, come on, I’ll be so happy if you join,” Jaemin pouts at him, jutting his lower lip out and blinking rapidly. His lashes, long and pretty, catch the last of the sun’s rays, reflecting them into Renjun’s eyes.

Renjun thinks he might have lost his mind when he nods and says yes.

“Great!” Jaemin exclaims happily, eyes sparkling and arms raised like he’s just won the lottery. Renjun finds himself smiling in spite of the fact that he’s basically just been coerced into joining a sports team, something he’d never in a million years expect himself to do.

Yes, he’s definitely lost his mind.

“Only because of you,” Renjun murmurs, but Jaemin doesn’t hear that as he sprints forward with his arms stretched out, shouting “yes!” over and over again. All of a sudden, he stops and turns to face Renjun. The grin he’s wearing is so blinding, Renjun feels his heart do a weird little tumble.

_Shit shit shit._

“I’ll let the captain know. You can come for practice with me tomorrow! It’s gonna be so much fun with you, I can’t wait,” Jaemin rambles on and on, radiating so much joy that he’s practically glowing. Renjun simply gazes at him with a soft smile that gradually fades as a sharp realisation twists into his chest, equal parts pain and pleasure.

  


 

 

It’s not fair, Jaemin grumbles, that Renjun is good at almost everything. To be honest, when he’d dragged Renjun to his first basketball practice, he wasn’t expecting much from the older, considering he’d never had prior sports experience. But Renjun went right ahead and proved him wrong, taking to the sport like a fish to water. Jaemin can tell he’s a natural, but when he mentions it to Renjun the latter just brushes him off, unwilling to accept any compliments.

“I have zero prior experience and I still have lots of room for improvement,” Renjun would say, to which Jaemin would click his tongue disapprovingly. If Renjun has one weakness, it’s his unwillingness to acknowledge or appreciate his talents, and Jaemin wants nothing more than to change that.

Soon enough, their new routine becomes spending almost every day after school together. When they have training, they change and head to the courts after school and go home after it ends. It just so happens that they take the same bus, though Renjun gets off a few stops earlier than Jaemin. And when they don’t have training, they study together at the library. Donghyuck and Jeno sometimes join them too, but most of the time it’s just the two of them, and Jaemin likes it that way.

The more they hang out, the more Jaemin learns about Renjun; the more he learns about Renjun, the deeper his love and affection grows. Renjun likes Moomin. Hates crowds. Likes sweet potato. Hates waking up early. All the facts he discovers, he stores away carefully in a part of his brain, to be called upon whenever he thinks of Renjun (which is very, very often). On the bus to school, he’ll suddenly remember how Renjun likes his ramyeon (soggy, not springy); lying in bed, he’ll recall Renjun’s preferred pen colour (black, not blue), and then, he’ll smile resignedly, knowing he’s in way, _way_ too deep.

Training sessions are a bit of a strange thing now. Jaemin can’t keep his eyes from gravitating to Renjun, even when they’re on different courts, doing different drills. The way that Renjun moves, lithe and graceful, is nothing like the aggressiveness of most other basketball players, but it’s no less captivating. His turns, spins and jumps are all executed cleanly, perfectly, as if to him basketball isn’t merely a sport but also an _art_. Even the coach soon notices and praises Renjun’s skills, saying that he can get on the school team to play in the national championships if he continues to improve.

They train hard, Coach Park pushing them beyond their limits to be in shape for the championships. It’s been a tough year and Jaemin knows that there are lots of expectations riding on their team, who’s young and fearless and full of potential. They’re not definite title-winning material – the neighbouring high school with a strong focus on sports is the shoo-in for the title, having won it three seasons straight previously – but most people believe they can go far. Jaemin, too, has been working incredibly hard with the team for the past year and he wants nothing more than to see their effort come to fruition.

It means even more to him now that he has a chance to win it with Renjun.

 

“Teach me some Chinese,” Jaemin says one day as they’re walking to the bus stop, bodies still sticky with sweat. The setting sun casts long shadows on the pavement, and paints everything else in a brilliant shade of orange.

Renjun turns to glance at him, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. The sun’s rays fall on one side of his face but not the other, bathing him in a warm glow. He seems ethereal, almost.

“Really?” Renjun asks, one eyebrow raised.

“Really,” Jaemin nods.

Renjun thinks for a beat, before the hint of a smile creeps onto his face. “Okay. Repeat after me: 我是个笨蛋 (wǒ shì gè bèn dàn)。”

“我是个笨蛋。” Jaemin roughly gets it right on the first try, save for the intonation on the first word, and is rather pleased with himself. Laughter bubbles up Renjun’s throat, which he stifles with the back of his hand.

“我。” Renjun repeats the first word again, dragging it out slowly, and Jaemin listens closely. It’s not a rising tone like he originally thought, but more of a slightly downward tone with an inflection upwards. It's hard to make out and even harder to recreate.

Jaemin says it a few times, with Renjun correcting him patiently by pointing out his mistakes on each try, until he thinks he finally gets it.

“我是个笨蛋。” He declares triumphantly, pleased with himself at finally perfecting the phrase. He turns to Renjun to seek his approval, but the other boy just doubles over with laughter. Jaemin doesn’t expect such a strong reaction from Renjun – he only said a simple Chinese phrase, after all – and confusion quickly turns into distrust.

“Hey, what does it mean?” He asks, eyebrow raised quizzically.

“Oh, it means,” Renjun’s still breathy from laughing, clutching his stomach, “it means that you’re cool.”

“I’m cool?” Jaemin presses, Renjun’s words cheering him up. “You really think so?”

“Yes,” Renjun chuckles, eyes shining with mirth. The sun is peeking out from behind his head, bestowing him with a golden halo, which steals Jaemin’s breath away. “Yes, I do.”

  


 

 

Barely one hour into their study session, Jaemin already wants to leave. He just can’t concentrate anymore no matter how hard he tries – his brain wanders off, decidedly unwilling to attempt the very complicated chemistry problem he has in front of him. He glances up from his work and, seeing that Renjun’s still preoccupied with writing his essay, frowns.

“Let’s go somewhere, Injun-ah,” Jaemin suggests. He twirls his pen idly in his fingers – once, twice, three times – before he loses his grip and it clatters to the table.

“What? Right now?” Renjun seems surprised, stilling his right hand in mid-air, pen hovering just above the page.

“Yes, right now,” Jaemin confirms. He starts packing up, zipping up his pencil case and closing his textbooks, stuffing them into his bag.

Confused by Jaemin’s sudden suggestion, Renjun only manages, “Where?”

“We’ll figure it out. Come on,” Jaemin lifts both eyebrows in invitation and Renjun sighs. He should be accustomed to Jaemin’s spontaneity by now, but it still catches him off guard. He’s not used to doing things unplanned, and Jaemin knows it for he tells him, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Okay, I guess,” Renjun answers, though the distracted manner in which he’s packing his stuff tells Jaemin that he’s not entirely sold.

As they’re walking towards the gates, an idea hits Jaemin. “Let’s go to the arcade, the one that’s just opened near school,” he tells Renjun.

Renjun shoots Jaemin a dubious look. Truth be told, he’d only been in an arcade once and it wasn’t a very pleasant experience. All he remembers are flashing lights and bizarre noises coming from the various game machines, and the knowledge that he sucks at them makes it even more unappealing.

In a bid to convince him, Jaemin quickly adds, “I’ll win you a Moomin plushie from the claw machine.”

That effectively seals the deal. Nodding vehemently, Renjun skips in front of Jaemin and all the latter can do is smile fondly at him, finding it endearing how the promise of a Moomin plushie could change his mind so fast.

“What are you standing there for? Let’s go!” Renjun exclaims when he turns around to see that Jaemin hasn’t moved from his previous standing point.

“Okay, okay, fine. I'm coming,” Jaemin says, laughing, and jogs to catch up with the older boy ahead of him.

The arcade isn’t as crowded as expected – there aren’t any queues forming in front of the games, which is a good thing. Renjun’s eyes light up when he sees the claw machine and he grabs Jaemin’s wrist, practically dragging him over.

“Which one do you want?” Jaemin asks, looking around at the various plushies lying on top of one another. There are a few Moomin ones here and there and Renjun scrutinises them closely until he sees one that catches his eye – he points to the Moomin at the back, the one that looks like it’s asleep, with curves for eyes and a cute little nightcap attached to its ears.

“Come on, Jaemin, let’s see what you’ve got,” Renjun declares, looking at Jaemin and then at the claw machine. Jaemin detects the hint of a challenge in Renjun’s tone and narrows his eyes.

“I’ll show you.”

Jaemin takes out the required amount of coins from his wallet and inserts them into the coin slot. Bursting into life, the claw machine starts blaring a garish tune while the lights behind the glass start blinking. Renjun looks on, fascinated, as Jaemin grabs hold of the joystick and starts navigating the claw towards the previously identified Moomin plushie. It's somewhat hidden at the back, so Jaemin leans as close to the glass as possible, making sure that he gets the best view of said plushie.

When he’s sure of the claw position, Jaemin presses the large red button and waits with bated breath as the gigantic claw commences its agonisingly slow descent to the prize. Renjun, too, has his face practically plastered onto the transparent walls as his eyes eagerly follow the movement of the claw.

The claw lurches a little as it grabs wildly at the Moomin, but somewhat expectedly, it completely misses. Both Jaemin and Renjun let out groans of disappointment and frustration.

“Let’s try again,” Jaemin says. Before Renjun can even open his mouth to respond he’s already taken out his wallet, inserting the coins into the machine again.

“Fine, but I doubt you’ll succeed this time either,” Renjun says.

And he’s proven right. This time round, the claw machine actually grabs onto one of the arms of the Moomin plushie, but the hold it has on it is too loose and the plushie drops.

Renjun shakes his head, sighing, “It’s alright, Jaemin-ah. You’re not gonna get it. Let’s go play another game.”

Eyes sweeping over the other machines, he points at the basketball dunking game not far away. “Why don’t we try that one?”

To his surprise, Jaemin refuses to budge, as he fumbles in his wallet for yet more coins. “I’m not leaving until I get that plushie.” His voice has taken on a tone of steely determination, which Renjun recognises as one that means there’s no point in trying to convince him, because he’s already made up his mind.

So Renjun waits, as Jaemin fails time and time again to win the plushie, which appears more elusive on each try. He observes as Jaemin furrows his brows and bites his lips, and his heart clenches when he sees a bead of sweat make its way down the bridge of Jaemin’s nose. A warm feeling grows from the very bottom of his heart, spreading across his entire body and overwhelming him.

On the ninth (or was it tenth?) try, Renjun isn’t paying attention as he scrolls through his phone aimlessly. An excited yelp from Jaemin catches his attention and he refocuses his gaze on the plushie, which now happens to be in the grasp of the claw, moving ever so slowly towards the intended destination.

Renjun can’t believe his eyes when the claw makes it to the end point without a hitch. The plushie is released and it falls straight downwards into the hole. Jaemin reaches a hand in to grab it.

“Here! I did it!” Jaemin presents the white Moomin plushie in all its glory to Renjun, who’s completely lost for words. The latter can only manage to stare alternately at the plushie and at Jaemin, whose smile never falters.

“Come on, take it! It’s yours now,” Jaemin urges, and only then does Renjun reach over to take the plushie from Jaemin. He turns it over, slowly smoothing a hand over its fur while his other hand fiddles with the tail. Of all the Moomin plushies Renjun has, this is the plainest, and also the smallest. Yet Renjun already knows he’ll treasure it more than anything else.

“Thank you,” is all Renjun can manage for now. He curses his verbal ineptitude, knowing these two words are incredibly insufficient to express exactly how he feels at this moment.

Jaemin just grins, flashing two rows of pretty teeth at him, and Renjun suddenly has the overwhelming urge to knock the living daylights out of him because _how dare he_.

From the way his heart aches, Renjun knows that it’s a losing battle he’s fighting.

 

From: Renjun

_Thanks for today <3_

Jaemin is walking home when he receives the text from Renjun. A heart emoji! Jaemin spends the next few minutes staring at it, completely lost in the bliss that envelopes him. If he thought he couldn’t possibly be happier after seeing Renjun’s face light up when he gave him the plushie, he’s proven wrong. He screenshots the text before pocketing his phone – his heart is so full it might explode.

The entire way back, Jaemin feels like he’s walking on clouds.

  


 

 

With their first match looming in a month, their coach pushes the team even harder, and trainings now end way past seven. By the time Jaemin and Renjun walk home, the sky is coloured a dark purple, with the only source of light being the artificial orange glow from street lamps that line the streets at regular intervals.

The walk to the bus stop usually takes five minutes, but today, they both walk slower as if there’s an unspoken agreement to. From the back their shadows weave and intertwine, layer upon layer, penumbra and umbra overlapping. Seoul’s cool night air is refreshing against their skin, which is still covered in sweat from the intense session before.

“Sorry,” Renjun apologises for what must be the tenth time, after he bumps his shoulder into Jaemin’s bicep again.

Jaemin’s rather solid and warm and lean bicep, his brain supplies unhelpfully.

Renjun’s in the midst of a heated mental debate with himself on the appropriateness of that thought when all of a sudden, he feels a solid warmth wrapping around his hand. Something that, glancing downwards, he recognises to be Jaemin’s hand, holding the entirety of his hand in his.

_What the –?_

Renjun’s first instinct is to pull away, but the other boy’s grip on him is strong and he doesn’t manage to wrench free of his grasp.

“What are you doing?” Flustered, Renjun’s voice comes out higher than usual, a little squeaky, and he hates himself for it. Hates himself for being so obvious, for not being able to conceal his feelings, and for having feelings in the first place.

“Holding your hand,” Jaemin says as if it’s only the most natural thing to do at that moment. Renjun doesn’t understand it. Here he is, internally freaking out, and then there’s Jaemin acting like everything is normal when nothing is.

“But why?”

Jaemin shrugs, “I want to.” A beat later, he turns to look at Renjun and goes, “Don’t you?”

Renjun’s brain stops working. “I – I – what?”

“Don’t you want to hold my hand?”

“Uh… I don’t know.” Renjun doesn’t know what to say; his body is still tense and on high alert, in case Jaemin tries to grab anything apart from his hand. Apparently, in addition to his ability to think, he’s also lost his ability to speak.

Seeing Renjun struggle just makes Jaemin chuckle and damn it, Renjun hates that pretty, pretty face.

Absolutely, truly, really hates it.

“Just stop thinking so much, Injun-ah. Let me hold your hand.”

Renjun feels his cheeks heat up and doesn’t reply. Jaemin takes the silence as a yes.

They walk on like that, hand in hand. Neither of them let go even when they reach the bus stop, only pulling apart when the bus arrives.

  


 

 

“我是个笨蛋。” Jaemin says proudly to Donghyuck and Jeno over lunch one day.

“What does that mean?” Jeno asks out of genuine curiosity, but the way Donghyuck is cackling makes Jaemin think twice about what he just said.

“Uh... I’m cool?” He says, with less conviction than usual. Donghyuck is _still_ laughing and really, Jaemin doesn’t see what’s so funny — his pronunciation isn’t _that_ bad. Not that Donghyuck would be able to tell anyway.

Now wiping tears away from his eyes, Donghyuck wheezes, “Are you kidding me?” Upon seeing Jaemin’s confused expression, he promptly bursts out into a fresh bout of laughter again. It grates on Jaemin’s patience.

“Hyuck, what the hell is so funny?” Jaemin demands, grabbing his friend’s arm. Donghyuck begins to take deep breaths, eventually calming down enough to speak.

“It means ‘I’m an idiot’, Jaemin,” Donghyuck manages, chest heaving. Jaemin furrows his brows at the revelation.

“What? Are you sure? Renjun taught me that and said it means ‘I’m cool’.”

“Of course I’m sure, Renjun said so himself. He told me in good faith the very next day after he taught you.”

Feeling betrayed, Jaemin buries his head in his hands and groans in desperation, remembering the many many times he’d proudly tell Renjun that and the latter grinning and nodding along, always looking like he was holding back laughter. Now he knows why.

“Well, at least it’s true. You really are an idiot,” Jeno pipes up helpfully, still smiling.

Jaemin snorts. “Shut up.”

  


 

 

He doesn’t want to pry, but curiosity finally gets the better of Jaemin one day as he sees Renjun doodling after he’s completed his work.

“Can you show me your notebook?” Jaemin asks. Renjun jerks his head up, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and reflexively covers the current piece he’s drawing with an arm.

“You – You want to see my drawings? Now?” Renjun stutters out. He’s chewing on his bottom lip again.

_Gosh, he’s so cute._

Jaemin smiles. “Yes, I’d love to. But only if you’re willing to show me.”

“I suppose I can, don’t have any expectations though because they’re honestly not that great,” Renjun warns as he passes his notebook over to Jaemin, who gingerly flips open to the first page.

“Wow, these are amazing,” Jaemin utters, eyes open wide in wonderment. He takes a closer look at the doodles – they’re Moomins of various shapes and sizes, engaged in a range of activities. There’s a swimming Moomin, a basketball-playing Moomin, a hotpot-eating Moomin, and a flying Moomin. As Jaemin flips the pages, one particular page, or rather, one particular drawing catches his attention. It’s a doodle of two Moomins, one shorter and one taller, holding hands with bags slung over their shoulders and smiling at each other. The bags look exactly like his own and Renjun’s.

“Is that… us?”

Unable to speak, Renjun just nods, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. Jaemin feels a giddy euphoria spreading through him, lifting his heart up, up and up. When he finally turns his attention back on the notebook, he’s smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.

“I love this! They’re so cute,” Jaemin grins. He runs a finger over the doodle, gently feeling the indentations left on the paper by Renjun’s pencil. As he stares at them longer, he realises how the shorter Moomin seems a little shy, and the taller Moomin is a bit more extroverted. Renjun has captured their likeness perfectly, even through a cartoon character.

“It’s good! You’re so talented,” gushes Jaemin, staring at Moomin-Renjun and Moomin-Jaemin, loving it more with each passing second.

“I’m not, shut up.” Renjun’s voice is muffled by his hoodie, which he brings up to cover his face. Jaemin ruffles his hair fondly.

“You are! You’ve got to be more confident. See you said you were gonna be terrible at basketball, but look at you. Coach praised you this week, saying you’ve got the talent for it. You can do anything you want, Injun-ah. Anything at all.”  

Renjun scratches the back of his neck shyly, biting his lower lip. Moments later, he breaks into a smile, and Jaemin’s world tilts on its axis.

  


 

 

“Hey, are you up for a challenge?” Jaemin says to Renjun one day after practice, as they’re cooling off in the locker room, towelling off the sweat from their bodies.

Renjun raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I want to challenge you to a game. One-on-one.”

“Bring it on,” Renjun answers without hesitation. He’s never been one to back down from a challenge, especially when he has a point to prove.

They head over to the court, now long empty, the sounds of bouncing balls and skidding sneakers replaced by a serene peace and quiet. Jaemin grabs a ball, left behind in a corner of the court, and bounces it a few times. He then casually shoots and the ball flies in a perfect arc towards the hoop, hits the rim and tumbles through.

“Show-off,” Renjun mutters, shaking his head. He knows Jaemin loves displaying his adeptness at the sport with little tricks, and can’t deny that Jaemin’s a lot more talented at basketball than he is. But that doesn’t mean Renjun can’t hold his own against him.

He grabs the ball and dribbles it towards the hoop at the other end. Jaemin attempts to block him and get the ball off him, but that’s where he fails. Renjun’s small stature gives him an advantage and he’s able to easily slip past Jaemin, yelling “You didn’t even try!” before jumping and dunking the ball through the hoop in one fluid motion.

Jaemin’s competitiveness is now well and truly ignited. The ball is stolen as he makes his way towards his hoop, Renjun beside him attempting to block his path. He aims for the hoop, shoots and... misses. The ball rebounds off the rim and drops onto the floor. Jaemin shakes his head, frustrated.

They go on like this for a good twenty minutes. Sometimes one of them will successfully steal the ball away and launch a counter-attack, sometimes they’ll score, sometimes they’ll miss.

Jaemin and Renjun are evenly matched throughout (Jaemin is keeping score) and it comes down to one last point to settle it once and for all. The ball is in Jaemin’s possession and he’s heading for goal. He dribbles it closer and closer while Renjun follows closely at his side, keeping his centre of gravity low to intercept the ball if need be.

And Jaemin makes the first mistake. Instead of keeping his gaze focused on the hoop, he lets it fall on Renjun’s face.

Jaemin will tell you it’s exactly like slow motion. At that moment, he sees Renjun’s sheer concentration crystal clear. Lips set in a firm line, bangs matted with sweat, eyes unblinking, staring at the ball that Jaemin is bouncing in his hands.

_Thump._

Why is his heart beating so loudly? It feels like it’s ringing in his ears.

_Thump._

Renjun now makes eye contact with him and Jaemin is gone. The ball hits his hand at an awkward angle and it bounces out of his hands into Renjun’s waiting ones.

Too easy.

Renjun grabs the ball from him and launches a counter, quick feet sprinting across the court in tandem with his dribbling. It takes Jaemin a split second too long to react and before he can dash over to block him, the older boy has already shot.

They follow the trajectory of the ball as it sails through the air and falls cleanly through the hoop.

“Damn,” Jaemin groans at the exact same time that Renjun yells with happiness and does a celebratory run around the court. His hair is flying wildly and his arms are all over the place as his sneakers screech loudly across the polished wooden parquet. So absorbed in the thrill of victory is he that he doesn’t notice how Jaemin gazes at him like he’s the centre of his universe.

“You lost to someone shorter than you!” Renjun chuckles as he stops and sprawls on the floor, eyes closed and mouth wide open, laughing and laughing.

Jaemin feels like there are phantom fingers wrapping around his heart, squeezing tight and leaving him breathless. He may have lost the game, but he feels like he’s won the world.

 

There’s something about the way the stars are shining today. They twinkle in the dark expanse of night, like how flecks of reflected light are twinkling in Renjun’s dark brown orbs. Jaemin insists on walking Renjun home (Renjun’s surprised at first but later shrugs and accepts it), which is why they find themselves walking side by side on the path leading to Renjun’s apartment.

Maybe it’s the adrenaline off their challenge, or maybe it’s the way Renjun is glancing at him every now and then from the corners of his eyes when he thinks Jaemin’s not looking, or maybe it’s the way Jaemin’s heart is telling him it’s the right thing to do.

“Bye, Injun-ah.” Jaemin’s voice is low and sweet.

“Bye, Jaemin, see you tomorrow.” As he says this, Renjun is looking down, not meeting Jaemin’s gaze. There’s a small smile playing on the corners of Renjun’s lips, which sends Jaemin’s heart into overdrive.

_It’s now or never._

Renjun is about to turn and leave when Jaemin stops him, latching onto his thin wrist with a hand. Renjun meets his gaze, but the question upon his tongue dies as Jaemin suddenly leans forward, pressing his lips to the other boy’s. Stunned, Renjun makes a small noise of surprise, body going rigid as Jaemin’s tongue brushes across his lips. A few seconds pass before his eyelids flutter shut and he kisses back – tentatively at first, then with growing confidence – and Jaemin slides a hand onto the small of his back. Renjun’s mouth is so much softer, so much warmer than what Jaemin imagined. He feels the way Renjun smiles into the kiss, and falls ever deeper.

It ends as abruptly as it started, when Renjun suddenly shoves Jaemin away. Jaemin staggers back a few steps, the sheer force of the push catching him off guard, and looks at Renjun for answers only to see panic and disgust written all over his face.

Renjun turns around and dashes towards his flat without a look back.

Jaemin raises a hand to his lips, the ghost of Renjun's lips still present on them. He shakes his head and an expression of pain flits over his features.

“我是个笨蛋,” he murmurs, as tears spill from his eyes. The teardrops glide silently down his cheeks, forming rivulets that gather momentarily upon the edges of his jawline before they succumb to the pull of gravity and fall on his shirt.

 

The lift doors open and Renjun runs and runs and doesn’t stop until he reaches his apartment, slamming the door behind him. Panting heavily, he rushes to his room and locks the door, before throwing himself on his bed.

A cursory glance at the mirror on his wall shows him how swollen and pinkish his lips are and Renjun wishes more than anything to get that image out of his mind, along with the memory of everything else that happened with Jaemin. He hates how he allowed his feelings to overcome reason, and he hates how he chose to ignore the warning signs which he saw coming from a mile away. Most of all, he hates how weak he is, breaking a promise that he’d made with himself long ago.

Renjun rubs at his lips so hard that his bottom lip splits open, and all of a sudden there’s blood everywhere – on his lips, chin, hand – the angry red spreading and smothering everything it touches. The taste of iron overwhelms him but he doesn’t stop, instead rubbing even harder, desperately trying to get the taste of Jaemin out of his mouth. Somewhere along the way Renjun starts crying, tears streaming down his face until salt mixes with iron and he can’t tell whether the liquid he feels is blood or tears or both.

He falls asleep hugging himself, lips swollen and numb and covered with dried blood.

Still, Na Jaemin burns on the tip of his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been working on this fic for 2 months and it's been so long but i'm so glad to finally have part 1 up ;; sorry for the long wait, but life has been pretty hectic and all. this is my first time writing a non-canon fic for renmin so it was pretty challenging, especially trying to write exactly how jaemin went about slowly falling in love and the subtle changes in their relationship... idk if it worked aaaa i'm still not happy with how everything turned out but if i continued staring at this any longer i'd probably go crazy so :( despite this not being great, i still hope you like it! it would really make my day if you leave comments bc i rly need feedback for me to think about as i work on part 2. thank you for dropping by! :)
> 
> p.s. sorry for ending it on a cliffhanger but why renjun reacted the way he did will be revealed in part 2!
> 
> p.p.s. let's be friends! i'm on twitter @jaeminsrenjun or on curiouscat (jaeminsrenjun) ^^
> 
> p.p.p.s. for fun, let's try this: guess how many words part 2 will end up being and the closest answer gets to request a drabble c: (if this flops it saves me effort shdjgh)

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this fic for 2 months and it's been so long but i'm so glad to finally have part 1 up ;; sorry for the long wait, but life has been pretty hectic and all. this is my first time writing a non-canon fic for renmin so it was pretty challenging, especially trying to write exactly how jaemin went about slowly falling in love and the subtle changes in their relationship... idk if it worked aaaa i'm still not happy with how everything turned out but if i continued staring at this any longer i'd probably go crazy so :( despite this not being great, i still hope you like it! thank you for dropping by! :)
> 
> update: sorry for the long wait for part 2 but i've just been so much busier than expected that i've never been in the headspace to properly write it... i can't promise when i will post it but i do promise to complete this fic, thank you for understanding!


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